HIV, Helping Through Loss
There is hardly a soul in the LGBT community that has not been touched by the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) epidemic. Whether they have a friend, family member, or they themselves have the virus, but it not because this virus is only in our community, its because we are hyper-aware of it. It’s a constant criminal lurking in the back of our mind, and it seems that while many of us stand up and face it, too many of us do not. This is where we fall short in combatting and HIV. Ignoring the big ugly monster in the middle of the room does not make it go away, it just allows him the opportunity to grab more victims. There are also many myths that put those who do not educate themselves about HIV at risk, but just knowing about the virus isn’t enough, it takes both knowledge and action to make real change. I would like to share one of my closest experiences with HIV to help explain some things and put others into perspective.
I first came into contact with HIV, well Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) actually, as a child. My aunt, my grandparents’ youngest child, and my favorite person ever had AIDS. She had gotten involved with a man who had been very promiscuous before he met her. She had gotten engaged to the man, and was even pregnant, and it wasn’t until she miscarried did she find out she was HIV positive. This changed how my aunt interacted with the family, and I am sure it had a lot to do with her deep drug addiction that I witnessed in her final years.
Fast-forward a decade to the 90’s and I am a young child who has an aunt with “eggs” as I used to believe it was called, who did everything in the world for me. I even remember asking her why she didn’t have a children and she would respond, “Because I have AIDS,” which would puzzle me even more because I didn’t understand how “eggs” (oh the innocence of childhood) kept a person from having babies.
I remember how kind she was and always sweet to me, she would make me ice cream from scratch any time I asked, no matter how bad she felt, or how under the weather. She would always proclaim to me how much she loved me and hug and kiss me. As a child I never understood the gravity of her illness, nor the personal struggle she was enduring. The details of her sickness weren’t known to me until many years later.
My aunt had AIDS when I was a child, not because she got it from her former fiancé, but because he gave her HIV, AIDS is not transferable from person to person. After losing everything, her unborn child, her idea of a happy life, and the man she was with, she refused to take any form of medication. Without treatment HIV will cause AIDS and a something as simple as the common cold becomes a very serious illness. So needless to say my aunt was already in dangerous waters.
Her drug addiction, and we aren’t talking marijuana, even further complicated things. She was in and out of jail and living on the streets. My family never turned their backs on her, they would always try to help, but drugs would always hinder their efforts. Refusal to stand by and watch her constantly sick because of refusal to take medicine, and her constant use of drugs just made her prognosis even worse.
One day in the late 90’s my family was informed that my aunt had gone to prison for breaking and entering and possession. This was nothing new to us by then, we were more relieved that she was off the streets and sobering up than we were concerned that she had been incarcerated.
A few weeks later as I was watching television with my grandparents and they received a call that my aunt was sick and being removed from the prison and taken to the hospital. Shortly thereafter, my grandparents received another call that my aunts core temperature was dropping and all they could do for her was cover her with blankets and heating pads, feudal attempts to keep her temperature up. Just after midnight the phone rang and my grandmother looked at it and immediately burst into tears; my grandfather was the one to receive the call that my aunt had passed away.
I share this story to hopefully touch your hearts, bring several things to light, and make a few points.
1. HIV is not a “gay” specific illness.
My aunt was heterosexual, and her sexuality did not prevent her from contracting the virus.
2. HIV and AIDS are not one in the same.
Just because a person has HIV does not mean they have AIDS. AIDS occurs only after a person’s immune system is severely degraded my HIV.
3. Use Protection.
Today, casual sex is not uncommon, but when you go to bed unprotected, you go to bed with every person that person has slept with unprotected as well, that’s exponential math, when you start the people those people may have slept with.
4. Know your status.
Knowing is half the battle, but if you are having sex with someone know theirs too. There are many clinics and organizations that offer free testing, take advantage of them. A free test is worth your life.
5.Stay hopeful.
Being positive is not the death sentence it was back before key advances in combating HIV and AIDS. People with HIV live full lives thanks to modern medicine.
6. Educate yourself and your loved ones.
If knowledge is power, then take that power, and put it in your own hands to remove risk from your life and the lives of your loved ones. There are many rumors and stories about how a person can and cannot get HIV, learn the truth for yourself.
The story of my aunt made me very involved and active with programs that support testing and awareness for all people, regardless of their sexual orientation or any other ignorant reason a person could dream up to make it seem like they are exempt. The loss of my aunt at a young age was deep especially because we were extremely close. I do not regret its happening however, it was a strong lesson learned early, and in many ways she has helped me to help others and myself through sharing her story, both in raising awareness and healing. I like to believe that every time I tell her story with the intention of raising awareness I am honoring her memory, and doing what she would want me to do. So may my loss be your gain if it helps you in any way.
Hopefully my life, and my perspective of the ongoing battle with HIV and AIDS is enough to make any reader consider the small life changes necessary to protect themselves. As a man with my particular set of experiences in life, not just simply because I’m gay, I chose to stay involved and educated. Most importantly I know my status and I get checked twice a year, to show my support and love for the programs that offer free testing. World AIDS Day is December 1, of every year, if you cannot find the time on any of the 364 other days of the year I hope you consider this day. Help turn the tide on this battle. Please read and share this to all that you believe this will help, and like if you support.
IN MEMORY OF MY BEAUTIFUL AUNT JOYCE AND SO MANY OTHER LOVED ONES.
Thank you for this.
I know this is a tough subject because a lot of people are not 1. educated and aware of the topic of Aids and HIV. 2. People are just so naive to the subject they assume it is just the automatic death sentence to life. I admit I was one of those people as well until I actually became in personal contact with it. It wasn’t until recently I had to do the most difficult thing ever by telling someone I love that I am living with HIV. I was so afraid because I thought I would lose him so I just kept it hidden because I thought he would stop loving me or even try to push me away and in my previous relationship the guy i was with told me that “I deserved what I got because of my mistakes I made”. I know in a relationship it can get hard when one person has it and the other one doesn’t, but SUPPORT is the best thing you can give someone when you are in a relationship . HIV does not change the person they are still the same person. I am sorry for your lost and thank you for sharing this.
As an HIV/AIDS prevention educator trainer (volunteer) for a national service organization and for several local non-profits, I appreciate your involvement and applaud you for publishing this piece. Despite years of outreach and education, people are still either not receiving the message in a sensitive manner or else are being fed misinformation and myth through bigotry and homophobia. Great job, buddy! 🙂